Bad Bad Poet

Ok, so I've been a bad poet lately.

I know I haven't been updating, leaving little breadcrumbs to mark my way to... what is seeming more and more everyday like failure. Yes, I'm being melodramatic but that's how I've been feeling.

Self doubt has an ugly face, and she's been peeking into my thoughts what seems like daily. I guess it's common, right? Well - this self doubt has been keeping me from writing. It's my fault for letting it get to me. I keep thinking, what do I have to say? Ugh, another vagina poem? Get over it Katie no one wants to read this garbage.

I've had several rejections lately. First - Texas Book Festival. I was a little down. Bruno had put the ominous envelope on the kitchen counter unopened. I knew what it was the moment I saw it. Rejection. I was right. Looks like I won't be going to Austin anytime soon.

Also - Minnetonka Review rejected my work. I was disheartened. I really like their publication. Well, I am determined to try again, maybe.

And to top it all off, I've been thinking to myself - why am I even in this 'biz'? What is the purpose? I'm investing so much of myself - my time, my money, my energy, my thoughts, my obsession, my sanity - to this pursuit, that will likely yield nothing, nada, ziltch. I was reading about English PhD's, excited to start working on my applications, and the stats are dismal at best. So few graduates get hired. And can I really devote five, six, TEN years of my life to something that will likely not yield results?


Of course I can. I will. And you know why? Because I've always been the person who is the exception to the rule. I'm determined, I'm mildly talented, but most of all - I'm not letting this failure business get the best of me.

So today is a new day for the poet in me. I've spent the better part of today editing old pieces, rethinking - making them better. I'm not taking these failures as a sign to quit, they are a sign to work harder, work fresher, work better.

So with ass in chair, fingers on keyboard, mind in the clouds - I bid you a'due!